Staying True to Your Promise
Have you ever made a vow to yourself? Were you able to keep that personal vow to yourself? I recently found myself drawn to go back on a promise I made to myself this year. Well, it all actually started over a year ago.
About a year ago, I had made the vow to myself that I would leave the corporate rat race, particularly the Human Resource job industry. I knew it would require an exit strategy and planning. I wrote in my Passion Planner goal setting page that by April 1st, 2020 I would be out of corporate. I was getting burned out and felt the joy of life had been sucked out of me. I was missing my passion of fitness, movement, nature, nutrition and educating others. I needed to get out from behind a desk all day. A part of my exit strategy was to ensure my financial situation was solid. I paid off my car early and saved a small nest egg. I also had an initial plan for employment. Then COVID hit.
I had already given my notice to my employer by the time everything shutdown. Being a crucial position during this crisis, my employer asked me to stay on. I agreed to a few extra weeks since my Plan B employment wasn't going to happen either. As April 10th approached, the final day I had agreed to stay, my employer came to me again to see if I would stay on longer. This offer would be a test of my promise to myself. Would I stay true to what I said and stand my ground or be persuaded by money, comfort, health insurance and stability? I truly was considering staying on and they even presented a part-time option to just do payroll and be paid well to do this task only. Then I was reminded by a close friend that I needed to stick with April 10th. I reluctantly cut the cord though and became unemployed like everyone else without unemployment benefits though because I had resigned, not laid off due to COVID.
I enjoyed the 5 weeks of not working and resetting my body, mind and spirit from the tremendous stress of my HR job I had left. However, my hope of teaching Pilates which reopened in late May, to support me financially, was not cutting it. Of course, attendance was down, and limited capacity played into class pay. That's when I almost went back on my promise the second time. I began applying to HR jobs left and right, even entry level positions. I contacted 10 placement agencies. I got a few phone interviews, but nothing. I got super frustrated and felt desperate. I was used to a zero balance on my credit card but not so much anymore.
I think it was some of the books I was reading at the time and a podcast called "Don't Keep Your Day Job", that inspired me during this panic I was experiencing to hold true to my decision and not look back. There was a reason I left the corporate gig and every time I would think of going back to that type of setting, I got depressed and didn't want to feel dead inside again.
There was a third time I attempted to go back on my promise to myself. This came in August after my husband screamed at me to "Get a F---ing job!" Ever since I announced I was leaving my good paying corporate job, he hasn't been happy. Obviously, it has been a sore spot for him. I once again began applying to multiple HR jobs, administrative jobs and temp jobs too. This was out of fear and appeasement to my husband. The frustration continued. I know I am highly qualified so why no job offers? My personal belief is God knows I would not be happy returning to a desk job; therefore He has prevented offers from coming my way. I also realized if I did accept a corporate job, I would not only be unhappy, I would be disappointed in myself for not keeping my promise. Not staying true to my word would degrade my belief in myself and my credibility.
Will I someday get a "real job" as most people call the corporate 9-5 type jobs? Probably not and I'm learning to be ok with this idea. Currently I am looking outside the box of what society deems a "real job", to find fulfillment and stay true to myself.